family, knitting, living

Archive for April 21, 2008

Guilt

Guilt is a funny thing.  It’s one of those feelings that has it’s place.  It keeps us in line.  It motivates us to follow through when we promise something, to not do something that we know we will regret, to tell the truth.  Unfortunately, it also causes me to work when I’m sick, to feel bad if I can’t get off the couch and to generally beat my self up for not being perfect.  Hubby just explained to me that I am making myself miserable and he does not want the girls learning my bad habits.  Whoa…talk about a “come to Jesus moment.” 

I’m in the middle of the worse exacerbation I have had.  No, I haven’t lost the use of my legs, arms or eyes.  I have excruciating pain reverberating up and down one side of my head.  Apparently it is trigeminal neuralgia.   http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/trigeminal-neuralgia/DS00446/DSECTION=1 It’s not pretty people.  The only way I’m not writhing in (intermintent, but seems pretty frequent) pain is by taking a load of drugs…then I’m stupid.  I can’t wash my hair, bend over, eat anything hot, cold or bubbly.  The girls can only kiss me on one side of my face and unfortunately they know it.  I feel so guilty for not cooking and cleaning and most of all not working.  I had to call in.  It makes me sick.  I have just given my notice and want everything to be perfect before I leave and I can’t stand to hold the phone to work.  Guilt, guilt, guilt.  I feel like I have a big fat looser sign on my forehead. 

Well…that was a big long whine.  On to better news.  I finished the shawl for Grey’s school.  They had a silent auction.  I raised $11,000.  I’m not sure how much the shawl fetched.  I know it was over 60 or so.  Here it is modeled my my friend Anne at Crazy Girl Yarn Shop in Coralville.